Why Did We Leave the Baby Monitor Behind?

Friday 16th February

Today was spent almost entirely in pursuit of a daytime nap. Whole days can pass by while we try to get Ella to sleep, only to abandon the idea by 3pm. “Do you ever secretly consider leaving her in her cot and going to the coffee shop on the corner?” Darren asked, as Ella provided the background noise, shouting and slamming the Venetian blinds against the window in her bedroom.

It didn’t take me long to think about it. Sometimes I think about stopping the car and leaving her on the pavement, at other times, putting the brakes on the buggy and turning on my heel in the opposite direction. I’m sure other mothers feel this way but there’s a reluctance to admit it, which I’ve never understood, because admitting it, and hearing others doing the same, is like breathing a collective sigh of relief.

It’s not as though she’d be in any danger - I could see the building the whole time. What a pity we didn’t bring the baby monitor, it would probably be within range. For a minute I considered it.

We may be fighting a losing battle with the sleep; I met a woman at the park who says her son dropped his daytime sleep at 18 months. “It’s the last straw” she said, “you love them dearly, but their behaviour turns vile at about this age. It drove me to drink”.

I know the feeling. I’m already through two bottles of vodka in four weeks. What we spend on childcare we might well save on booze.