Bluebottles

"How do the lifeguards know where to put the two yellow and red flags for safe swimming?"

"I don't think there's any science behind it"

"Oh there must be some complicated science about the undercurrent and the strength of the wind. Tim would know. Tim's very clever".

I always resort to the "Tim would know" card when I can't get an adequate answer from Darren. Tim went to a grammar school because he lived in Buckinghamshire. We lived in Cheshire so were condemned to the comprehensive system. Tim knows lots of history and answers to questions. We know sod all.

I asked the lifeguard on duty at Manly beach. "How do you know where to put the flags?"

"Oh we just know" came the reply. I think Darren might have been right.

It was particularly busy down at Manly today, a lovely Saturday afternoon with an eclectic mix of people hanging about the beach and the corso. I like Manly but it's full of Brits. It's where they all go to live when they emigrate to Sydney, so every second accent you hear is a pommie one. If I had wanted to hear pommie accents, I'd have stayed in the UK.

"Watch your little one" said the lifeguard before he walked away. "The bluebottles are really starting to wash in now with the change of tide. We're getting reports of lots of them out back". By "out back" he meant at the back of the group of people swimming between the flags. He took his loudhaler and bellowed a warning to them. The corso was full of tearful kids with ice-packs held against their legs. Beautiful ocean. Dodgy residents.