Custard Apples

So lets get this straight. God creates this continent and litters the edges with white sand and turquoise waters. He creates a few tropical reefs here and there and fills the skies with sulphur-crested cockatoos and comical fruitbats in leather bikers jackets, the latter hanging bleary-eyed from telegraph wires at dawn, looking hungover.

Then he turns heating up to "nice and warm", halves the cost of petrol and teaches every young boy how to drive a cricket ball to the boundary rope.

And finally, on the seventh day (when you thought he was resting), he creates the custard apple. A fruit that tastes like a pudding. So what if they cost $5 each? Devon knows how they make it so creamy.

Apparently there's a "chocolate pudding fruit" as well. I saw a programme about them last week. They look and taste exactly like an enormous chocolate truffle when you bite into them. As if you needed any more incentive to emigrate.

So who had the last laugh - the convicts or the men who condemned them to this penal colony?