Insights into the Aussie Psyche - The Sickie

In 1982, Australia won the Americas cup for the first time.

Afterwards, the prime minister Bob Hawke, declared that "Any boss who sacks anyone for not turning up to work today is a bum". You have to shout that line in a half-intoxicated voice and replace "bum" with the aussie version, "bam" to get the full effect of his statement.

He was a bit of a drinker himself, Mr Hawke. A larrikin almost. Anyway, then the ockers thought "streuth, he's one of us, bloody good bloke!"

So that's like Tony Blair (or is it Gordon Brown yet?) telling the captains of industry they would be a bunch of tossers if they didn't expect their staff to take a sickie the day after Tim Henman finally etches up a Wimbledon title.

The "sickie" is now a significant part of the aussie culture and I know this because I've read it and have also been told as much by one of my collegues.

The first known sickie was taken by a Mr Conway, a butcher who had travelled from Kent on the first fleet having been convicted for stealing a sheep's testicle. It was supposed to have been a prank but I suppose you could say he ballsed it up.

Anyway, he served his sentence and afterwards he found some work, but couldn't resist chucking a sickie to go off and watch a guards versus convicts footie match. Unfortunately his boss was at the match too and his punishment was being beaten to within an inch of his life and forced to work without pay for several months afterwards.

Since then, the Aussies have turned the sickie into an artform, an artform that costs the private sector $2 billion and the public sector $5 billion every year. One in five sick days is a fake, compared to one in eight in the UK.

It's such a part of the culture that we get a set number of sickies every year (fifteen in my contract, though it's pro-rata) and we can use them as carers leave if that suits better. Brilliant isn't it?

nb Ocker, n. See also Ockerdom, n A part of Australian society made up of boorish, chauvenistic and uncultured people (slang)