Out of Mind

I had a phone call from Kate this morning, you know, Bradley's mum. I haven't seen her for a few weeks because they've been to Brisbane to see whether they'd like to live there and as soon as they got back, her in-laws arrived for Christmas.

She phoned me this morning as I was browsing the petshop at Bondi Junction with Ella, and continued to hold a lengthy conversation with me despite the fact I was simultaneously trying to arm-wrestle a Christmas stocking of doggie treats from Ella, who was intent on tucking in.

"You don't sound your usual chirpy self" she said. "Is it because you're going home in three weeks?"

"Well partly, yes, but also because Ella's got her mouth around a bone-shaped dog chew and I'm trying to prevent her from eating it"

"Oh" she continued. "Anyway, yeah, we liked Brisbane but I'd need to go back a second time before I'd commit to living there. My first impression was it's not a patch on Sydney, but you know what Sarah? Nowhere on earth's a patch on Sydney and that's something we'll just have to accept"

I thought for a minute. I mean, it's odd that she doesn't feel she'll commit to moving up to Brisbane without visiting a second time, yet she brought her whole family to Australia on the back of one ten day holiday. Leaving Sydney's going to be more of a wrench for her than I realised.

"So how's your first Christmas in Sydney?" she asked "Have you got relatives to visit?"

"No" I replied, "no relatives. And yeah. it's a bit weird but it's a nice change from all the hard work that usually goes with it and I actually quite like it. The only thing is, we feel a bit forgotten"

"Well Sarah, I thought that might happen. It happened to us and at first it upset me but afterwards I just thought, you know, it's only people. I thought I'll go and live the best life I can for me and my family and that's what I did. This is our second year in Sydney and we only received five Christmas cards from the UK. I sent thirty-five but I don't think people can be bothered to make to effort to go to the post office"

"Well we've got nine, if you don't count the ones from family. It's a real surprise, a leveller. It makes you realise you're not really that important to people. Makes me think of all the people who say oh please don't emigrate, we'd miss you so much and I think, yeah, sure you'd miss me. I do all your organising.

Honestly Kate, when we're at home we spend an average of sixty or seventy pounds a month on cards and presents, you know, such and such had a baby, such and such moved house. Then there's the thank you bottles of wine and the birthday presents. I send over forty birthday cards every year, I invite people home for dinner and we don't get a return invitation and no, I don't think my cooking's that bad. And you know what? I'm over it, so over it. Some people haven't actually bothered to reply to my e-mails, can you believe that?"

"I can, sadly" she replied. "We've been through it ourselves. It's sad, that's all".

I thought about it when we got back, sat looking at the pitiful array of Christmas cards from home. A year abroad sure teaches you who your friends are. Your friends are the ones who make the effort to keep in touch.

Then Darren came back form the post office with a parcel from Natalie. She'd sent a Christmas present for Ella and a Cadbury's dipped flake for me and it really lifted my spirits. We're not forgotten after all.